Meet our Community: Tabitha
- Thrive Central Oregon
- Jun 30
- 7 min read
Did you know that Thrive works with incredible people? Yes, Thrive is here to support and provide resources, but we learn from the folks we work with every day. For our Disability Pride Month interview, we reached out to Tabitha, who has worked with Thrive on and off over the years. Tabitha has worked with Thrive on for a variety of resources, but also always brings us resources that we haven’t heard of! We are so grateful to her for her openness and her generous nature.
When asked about her disability and what it has meant to her in her life, Tabitha’s response was so thorough and open-hearted that we had to include it all ❤️.
If you’re comfortable, what do you identify as your disabilities and what do they mean for you in your life?
I really don't like labels, and I often don't identify my disability openly due to the stigma and misunderstandings around hidden disabilities. I usually refer to myself as neurodivergent once I'm comfortable in a space. My diagnoses are C-PTSD, Autism, and ADHD.
I was diagnosed with Autism late in life, and looking back, it really makes sense. Autistic women are often not diagnosed due to having to “mask” [the act of suppressing or camouflaging one's natural behaviors, emotions, or personality traits to fit in with social expectations or avoid judgment]. When someone with a disability masks it takes a lot of resources and is quite draining to the disabled individual. The higher the pressure to mask, the more likely it is that the individual has experienced trauma as well.
Growing up
As a child, I was told that I'd "grow out of ADHD" and struggle less with the executive functioning issues that plagued me throughout my school days. I imagine that it's frustrating to try to teach or parent someone who appears quite intelligent, but doesn’t grasp things as you expect.
I was identified as gifted, but I didn't always perform on that level, which resulted in countless lectures about how I wasn’t applying my gifts and talents to my work. I wasn’t capable of performing in the way the school environment wanted me to, which was very challenging to live with. In school there were distractions, and it was sometimes difficult to understand directions, even if I had already mastered the concepts of an assignment.
Each little struggle resulted in a huge disconnect because it was perceived as laziness or unwillingness to apply myself. That legacy has followed me into adulthood. While I have mastered the big things in life quite well, I overlook the small details that are important to most people. It's challenging, and I have been able to adapt. I have found work that allows me the needed autonomy over my schedule and workspace to ensure that I'm successful in my work.
Strengths
Both ADHD (though personally I am far from hyperactive) and Autism have huge drawbacks in our current society, because of the way we have structured our society. ADHD and Autism offer gifts, and can be a real asset in communities, workplaces and families - if only we were to shift the way our society operates.
Personally, I tend to be excellent at pattern recognition, and I am able to process and synthesize a great deal of information, and extrapolate data that someone else might overlook.
I also tend to be really helpful in group settings. I can call attention to important considerations that might otherwise have been overlooked, which often keeps a project running smoothly. I perceive time, the world, and information just differently enough to offer a different and often helpful perspective.
Challenges
It's really difficult to navigate the world with a hidden disability. ADHD often isn't taken seriously as a diagnosis because so many of the symptoms are so relatable. If someone is feeling disorganized, they may say, "Oh, I'm so ADHD!". Or, sometimes someone who knows you have ADHD gives you some seemingly innocuous organizational tip that doesn’t land well - “You should try this method!”, because they don’t really understand the disorder. It seems harmless to do, but it's not. All of the organizational tips in the world won't help with the fact that I have structural brain differences that cause me to be disorganized
Managing something all the time, without a break, is different than occasionally struggling due to circumstances outside of yourself. A lot of people don't understand that. For me there's a huge disconnect in myself. I learn quickly and I am fairly well spoken, but I struggle with basic executive functioning tasks that come naturally to most people. My experience isn't that of everyone with ADHD, either, as there are different subtypes.
I really struggle with time blindness and am often late despite my best attempts not to be. I feel like my own timeframe is an entirely different one from everyone else's. It’s a daily challenge to make these two entirely different timeframes match as best as possible, so that I can functionally get by.
Today
Even as an adult, people use the same shaming and scolding tactics that I experienced in school. When I am late for appointments, for example, there is often a “3 strike” rule at a doctor’s office. Three times late and you aren’t able to see that doctor anymore. It makes it really challenging to have consistent and supportive care. If those tactics of shaming and scolding were effective, it would have worked on me many, many years ago, and I wouldn’t still be neurodivergent. But the reality is, it’s not the way I’m choosing to do things that is the problem. My brain literally works very differently, so these things are actually outside of my control. I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I accept that.
It's sad that I won't ever do so many simple things with ease, but it's also freeing to stop focusing on them and move on to focus on my gifts and the things that I excel at. Unfortunately, though, my confidence is low, and I will always struggle with that. The stigma of having a hidden disability and how it's perceived, coupled with all of the unkindness and trauma I experienced as a child and young adult trying to navigate the world, have made it hard to think highly of myself. I don't focus on those scars, but they're there, and I notice them more when I'm struggling. When I lose my keys or have another small mishap, I go back to berating myself for having such a stupid problem. It takes a lot sometimes to get back onto a positive, productive path.
How we can be better together
Because Autism is so often misdiagnosed or not diagnosed until later in life, particularly in women, I feel that it's really important to be aware that if people do things differently or struggle in ways that you don’t understand, it's not something that's personally directed at you. It’s not a moral failing on the part of the person struggling. They could have a hidden disability that you're not aware of. A little extra empathy can go a long way for someone who is struggling and feels marginalized, or feels hopelessly different due to their neurodivergence.
Our differences are not drawbacks! If we honor others' differences, we are better able to capitalize on the strengths and gifts that they offer. Right now is a more important time than ever to practice kind and inclusive behavior for our neighbors and friends who feel like they are on the periphery for whatever reason.
If there is someone who annoys you because they're always late, disorganized, or struggle with silly things, maybe be creative and find a way to connect with them outside of activities that have time pressure. Instead of meeting at a busy, crowded, distracting place, consider meeting them for a walk in the forest or park. Find a way to meet your friend or loved one in a neutral space away from avoidable pressures.
The loneliness epidemic that we're currently in is magnified for those with hidden disabilities as well. Just getting by day-to-day may pose a huge struggle right now, so anything you can do to build community and support those struggling with any disability, visible or not, adds to our community and enriches that individual's life.
Everyone deserves kindness and grace. Hidden disabilities are present, and we also never truly know what someone may be going through at any time. I know that when I use that perspective in my own life, it’s so beneficial to me. When I approach everyone with empathy, I am less inclined to let petty slights and annoyances consume my precious time.
Thank you so much to Tabitha for taking the time to share about her life, her experiences and her truly insightful perspective with our community ❤️
Community Resources for folks with hidden disabilities that Tabitha shared:
The BASE facilitates community connection by providing members a safe physical space to engage, and also access to a private social platform where they’ll find the peer offered group schedule, resources, local happenings, and discussions. The Base also promotes self advocacy through support for members to facilitate experiences around their own strengths and interests.
Connecting people with disabilities in Central Oregon to various resources
Peer support, training and resources for families with children experiencing disability
Resources and information for individuals with autism and their families
Monthly online facilitated support group for parents and caregivers seeking insights about the autism spectrum
The Association for Autism and Neurodiversity
Serves adults and teens on the autism spectrum and offers virtual social groups and activities
Supports individuals with disabilities and their families, offering parent and family support, resources, advocacy, and peer support.
Family Resource Center of Central Oregon
FRC offers a variety of programming, information, and resources for families raising children of all ages. Our programs also offer opportunities to connect with others and lean into the understanding, encouragement, and grace we can offer each other.
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